Monday, May 25, 2009

Nostalgia

  I don’t know where to begin.  I know what and how I feel, but releasing my feelings in a Microsoft Template is extremely difficult.  Maybe in four years this will seem like a piece of Oreo pie to me, as I plan on being in the SJLA Honors Program at Scranton, which is supposed to enhance one’s ability to communicate clearly through written and spoken word, or as I like to say it, Eloquentia Perfecta.  But as of the years of the ’00 decade, no such pot of gold.  I guess I’ll just ramble off a few things that I miss, since that’s what is mainly bothering me.

                I miss writing like this, in this ‘MatOMatic’ style of writing.  I miss playing soccer.  I miss the Late, Great, Mr. David Doud.  I miss the richness of our famous quotes (They just don’t feel the same anymore).   I miss genuinely talking to you, and our genuine conversations/moments (They are but a few in a New, Infinitesimal World).  I miss having a male figure to talk to about anything.  I miss being the male figure for another male figure to talk to about anything ~?~… I miss my childhood dream of being smarter than anyone in the field of Mathematics.  I miss foolishly believing I was the smartest in my grade at Mathematics [Mathematics award does NOT equal mine; my main dream I've strived for throughout schooling flushed down the toilet in one heartbeat. ='((( ].  I miss not having a job. I miss arguing over irrelevant topics, such as “Who started Renaissance Literature?” or “Why is Nitrogen Gas Blue?”  I miss my old cell phone.  I miss when Truth came out of Those lips.   I miss the old You.  I miss having a best friend.  I miss intellectual conversations.  I miss being able to rely on You.  I miss having tissues, or something similar to, along the lines of, pertinent to, tissues, in my room, as I feel I need them now.  I mis… Oh, sorry, this just in… nitrogen gas is NOT blue.  I miss looking at you and thinking “I am lucky to have you in my life”, rather than “I was lucky to have you in my life.”   I miss listening to the classic song from Toy Story, “You’ve got a friend in me,” and feeling happy…

                I’d like to reflect on a quote by a very young, but brilliant student, who recently displayed his feelings through a philosophical rant.  “I encourage change—change for the better.”  This quote has galled me since the moment I’ve read it—not for the meaning of it, because I agree to a certain level of it, but because the young man behind those words completely contradicts his words with his own actions.  This young man preaches that it’s OK to change, if the change is for the better.   I see this as a terrible effort to protect the way he himself is living.  The poor, innocent young man was once a crowd pleaser to several individuals, including myself.  I will not bring others into this matter, so I will just use myself in future references.  Now I do not see how he can look in the mirror and say truthfully he has changed for the better, compared to a…let’s just say… year ago.  Sure, I understand some exceptions he may throw out there.  For example, he used to be what some may say ‘cruel’ and attack poor foreign girls, through secret identities, and now he doesn’t do that anymore.  To me, that’s not changing for the better, that’s just maturing from “pre-teen” to “”more-mature teen.”  Just because one jumped in a bathroom and screamed jungle noises in his earlier life, but now doesn’t anymore, doesn’t constitute that he Changed.  Jeeze, if it did, then the phrase “You changed”—the dreaded phrase you do not want to be the recipient of – would have no purpose of being said, since everyone would fall under the category.  Change, the change I mean when I say “You changed,” is a change in your soul.  The only change for the better is when you add a trait to yourself, not completely kill off a trait.  His soul is what I became friends with, the humor, the reliability, the honesty, the…everything about him.  He has killed off too many traits that I liked him for, whether big or small, to make me even look at him the same way anymore.  It’s crazy that it happened the same exact time a significant other entered his life…Coincidence? ...I believe that when a significant other entered my life, I did not kill off any traits of myself, and if I did I would like to know, but I honestly believe I became a better young man because of it.  I can proudly say that I ‘changed’ for the better, if I changed at all.   When she’s around him, he completely disowns me.  It kills me inside.  Why must I be ignored when she comes around?  Do I disown him when my significant other is around? NO!, NEVER! Why would I disown my (best-friend), or anyone for that matter?  When I and she are next to each other in Englo class, I welcome his attendance if an assignment is given, and talk to him.  On the contrary, when me and him are walking in the halls, and his ‘other’ comes by, I become that little unnoticed 7th grader, with no purpose to any senior but a roadblock to class.  I wonder if he recalls this, actually, I wonder if he’ll even read this, I don’t expect him to, I don’t expect anyone to, but I wonder if he recalls the day of prom, in school.  Study-hall for McArdle, 1st period.  I sit in front of the 2...I expected a ‘hello’ at the very least, but I didn’t even get that, from any of them.  The whole 40 some minutes I sat there, not one word being said to me by my (best-friend), my (class inseperablabla).  Did I do something to him? I think not, as he acted fine towards me when she wasn’t around later that day.  Can a girl really change you that much?  I know for a fact I NEVER did that to anyone.  There is several more examples, but it’s getting pretty late around here, so I’m done for now…

                I’m here releasing all of my feelings tonight because I can no longer hold them in—they are bursting out of me, along with two brown-eyed fountains.    I’d like to leave with a lyric of my favorite female artist, Hannah Montana.  In conclusion, I yearn for the good ole days—I miss you.

                “I probably shouldn’t say this, but at times I get so scared.  When I think about the previous, relationship we shared.  It was awesome, but we lost it, it’s impossible for me not to care.  And now we’re standing in the rain, but nothings ever gonna change…” …7 things : Hanna Montana http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr0Wv5DJhuk&feature=related … <- video for it.

                And my little twist…

                The (twenty)seven things I liked about you—your laugh, your trust, your funny jokes, your unforgettable quotes, you made me laugh, you made me cry, but I guess that’s both I had to buy, your mind, and mine, when we combined, I felt alive…

…and I’m not listing 27, although I probably could list 270 if I wanted to…

Goodnight, and Good luck… =(

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