Falling Up

"I'm keeping quiet 'till there is no more sirens.
Lately, it's been hard to keep the hinges on with all the noise.
I'll find my words when there is no one talking.
The room is spinning, I have got no choice.
Be patience, I am getting to the point."

As I sit outside on this more than gorgeous fall day, I can hear the leaves crunch upon the ground around me. The sky is blue with streaks of white cloud. My orange kitten sits on the open window ledge and breathes in the clean air. It is a really nice scene.

I have decided that it is very comforting to feel the support of great people. It makes me feel uncertain as to why someone would ever try to gain the support of one individual if they had a slew of support before the race even began. I want certain people to know that I appreciate their kindness. Certain people I never would have considered during a race have shown huge amounts of admiration. I never really went in search of acknowledgment, it nearly came and found me. I want to take a moment to just thank those certain people I have in mind. I may blush in modesty, because really, they are all too kind. :)

I have seen firsthand the effect of people making decisions and having to live with the consequence of their action. It is saddening to me how minor a choice may be to some, but how large a consequence it can bring. We all have to make choices, and even when some choices don't make sense to us quite yet, I think someday they will. Regret is a difficult concept to live with. I want to wish anyone who has to the best of luck. At the same time, I am a moderately simple person. I would never want to intentionally make a situation harder for anyone, but I would not want to make it too easy either. My advice to everyone out there coping with difficult choices is to really be cautious yet positive about them. Think before you act, but make the most of it. Be caring. People will care right back. I promise. And if they don't, there are enough who do that will make it count.

"It's just that sometimes, people use thought to not participate in life."

Actions speak louder than words. I have grown to love that cliche lately. It rings truth in my ears. I observe around me the actions of those I care about. Some actions I find surprising, others I find beautifully refreshing. Simple human gestures mean a world of difference when you have nothing but void boxes to compare them with. It can be so refreshing to realize the warmth that surrounds you instead of the frigid air you breathe in. Let's act! Even in the theatrical sense [Drama Senior Year is on the way!] Carpe diem, anyone? Friends are best friends. I know I said that before. Grab on to something to look forward to. There is plenty of room, so make a move. Shine like you mean it, don't just smile. But smiling helps. Maybe it is for the better that only the future is within our grasp. However, be careful. Velcro is such a strong substance. I said that before, also. It is just so true though. That is the hardest part. Change is an even stronger force. There is good change and bad change. I was never a fan of either, necessarily, but man, change is tough. I don't know how these trees handle it every year. I need to be stronger. I know that I am not a part of the big picture. I could tell I never was.

"But I miss you like hell."
*

One more thing I want to say is that yes, I will always be here, but I may not always be there. Just keep that in mind. There are better things to do, to think, to feel, and to see. There is no need to meander off the path unless there is a tree down, but you know what, even if there is one, I am going to jump right over it. :)

"I can't remember when the earth turned slowly,
So I just waited with the lights turned out again.
I lost my place, but I can't stop this story.
I'll find my way, but until then I'm only spinning "