And now for your blog special:
|Ask-Teh-Foote|
"How do you get a duck to sing the blues?"
Ducks. You either hate them or you love them. You either shoot them or you watch them gracefully fly across the sky. Sometimes they're even devoured by a pelican or two, but that's okay. Getting a duck to sing the blues is a complicated process. So complicated that even George W. Bush himself cannot find a theory to how to do such an arduous task, but that's not hard to underestimate. I had to visit my buddy Jeeves from the formerly known AskJeeves.com, but instead I found that he retired from the site and could not help me. Oh bummer.
To get a duck to sing the blues, you must first capture the duck. Capturing ducks isn't easy. Purchasing duck decoys is a must. You can find these at many hunting stores, such as Dicks or Gander Mountain. Plant these decoys in a field or near a body of water and use that duck call you just magically found in your vest to call some ducks in. Make sure you're wearing camouflage or you're in a ground blind of some sort near the duck decoy. Once a duck comes in near the decoy, you cannot shoot it. A dead duck is not a blue singing duck. It may turn blue, however, from the lack of oxygen it cannot receive because, well, it's dead. When the duck is about five to ten meters in front of you or the blind, jump out and grab it in some sort of bag -- plastic bag, hand bag, money bag, luggage bag, purse, etc. You must decide. Hopefully you'll catch the duck, but there's a 99% chance that the duck will escape and you would have wasted money, energy, time, and days off of your life. If that small percentage of 1% happened to be in your favor, then you have captured a duck! Congrats! The duck will try to escape from its prison and will make horrible noises but that can all be ignored by placing two earbuds connected to an iPod placed in your ears while sweet classical music of triumph is playing at full blast. But! You must now teach the duck to sing the blues!
It would be very difficult, if not impossible, to have a duck mimic the voice of a human. Parakeets, parrots, and even crows have been known to do such, but a duck for crying out loud!? I think that it's against the laws of science for such an event to take place, but stranger things have been happening. You know that iPod you have been listening to? Put some blues song or album on the iPod, put it at full blast, hope that the battery will last long, and force the duck to swallow the iPod. Now when the duck opens its mouth, you'll hear B.B. King singing to you. This may be hazardous to the duck, a huge waste of money for having a bird digest your $350 electronic device, and may cause the duck great indigestion. Plus iPod batteries are known for dying out fast, so that duck may only "sing" for an hour or two. Temporary, yet it gets the job done.
Well, I hope my answer was good enough. Whatever your belief system is, this may have been an interesting blog entry or not, but it was fun to write and that's the objective that I always have when I open the post editor -- to have fun with my writing. Thank you John for your question, and I hope many more follow in its wake.
Have a good one.
To get a duck to sing the blues, you must first capture the duck. Capturing ducks isn't easy. Purchasing duck decoys is a must. You can find these at many hunting stores, such as Dicks or Gander Mountain. Plant these decoys in a field or near a body of water and use that duck call you just magically found in your vest to call some ducks in. Make sure you're wearing camouflage or you're in a ground blind of some sort near the duck decoy. Once a duck comes in near the decoy, you cannot shoot it. A dead duck is not a blue singing duck. It may turn blue, however, from the lack of oxygen it cannot receive because, well, it's dead. When the duck is about five to ten meters in front of you or the blind, jump out and grab it in some sort of bag -- plastic bag, hand bag, money bag, luggage bag, purse, etc. You must decide. Hopefully you'll catch the duck, but there's a 99% chance that the duck will escape and you would have wasted money, energy, time, and days off of your life. If that small percentage of 1% happened to be in your favor, then you have captured a duck! Congrats! The duck will try to escape from its prison and will make horrible noises but that can all be ignored by placing two earbuds connected to an iPod placed in your ears while sweet classical music of triumph is playing at full blast. But! You must now teach the duck to sing the blues!
It would be very difficult, if not impossible, to have a duck mimic the voice of a human. Parakeets, parrots, and even crows have been known to do such, but a duck for crying out loud!? I think that it's against the laws of science for such an event to take place, but stranger things have been happening. You know that iPod you have been listening to? Put some blues song or album on the iPod, put it at full blast, hope that the battery will last long, and force the duck to swallow the iPod. Now when the duck opens its mouth, you'll hear B.B. King singing to you. This may be hazardous to the duck, a huge waste of money for having a bird digest your $350 electronic device, and may cause the duck great indigestion. Plus iPod batteries are known for dying out fast, so that duck may only "sing" for an hour or two. Temporary, yet it gets the job done.
Well, I hope my answer was good enough. Whatever your belief system is, this may have been an interesting blog entry or not, but it was fun to write and that's the objective that I always have when I open the post editor -- to have fun with my writing. Thank you John for your question, and I hope many more follow in its wake.
Have a good one.
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