WTF!?!?

I'm totally speechless right now. I didn't feel like playing Runescape much today and instead I went surfing around the internet typing random keywords into random search engines when one of those random Google Desktop news articles popped up in the lower right-hand corner of my laptop screen. Normally I just 'x' them out and resume whatever I was doing, but the article on the first pop-up caught my attention. Why? Because it said 'Runescape' in the header of the article. I didn't even glance at the article but clicked on it right away. I read the article curiously, but then I became horrified at what I was reading in front of me. One could say that I was sickened to the point of having a fever and a stomach flu. Here, I shall copy and paste the article here. If you play Runescape, grab a tissue.

Over the past few weeks a heated debate broke out in Congress, a discussion that is only known well to many who have experienced the political power used against Rockstar's well-known Grand Theft Auto series after an unofficial modification of the game was released to the public. Senator Hilary Clinton is ready to flip pancakes again, turning against another video game company, to gain popularity for her upcoming campaign for presidency. Her target this time: Jagex's online game known as Runescape. Runescape is a massive multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) that hosts content such as swords, fighting, deforestation, player killing, shark hunting, magic casting, and what Hilary claims to have in it -- weapons of mass destruction. Hilary stated in a press release that "the game known as Runescape can be accessed by any child that has internet" and this brings up fear that "our children will be influenced by the realistic fighting actions in the game". She also goes as far to say that "the company Jagex may have ties with Al-Qaeda by hiding their nuclear weapons in-game". Andrew Gower, co-founder of Jagex Ltd, when contacted about the American issue stated "our game is not created for children but we would never release any content that isn't fit for a child to be revealed to". They did not comment on having relationships with terrorists, however. Hilary wishes to pass a bill in Congress that will ban the popular and free game from the American internet by having well-known internet providers such as Verizon Online, Comcast, etc. block the website. Hilary wishes to expand the bill to include other hit MMORPGs such as Blizzard's World of Warcraft. Hilary wishes these games to be blocked to reduce bad influences on children and to stop stalkers, child predators, online dating, and to hopefully boost American education standards. "Our children are brainwashed by such addicting games," said the senator, "and their grades in school are dropping because of this." Hilary wishes for the bill to be passed by Congress before the beginning of this summer.

That woman really sickens me. I would rather have Bin Laden as our president than her. She targeted Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, The Sims, and now Runescape!? She's working backwards there. Besides going after actual violent games such as Manhunt she's going after the innocent and safe games. What's next? Pac-man? Violence to ghosts? Give me a break. Hilary plus presidency equals no more video games. We might as well ban Super Mario Brothers for violence to goombas. What about Harvest Moon? You can hit your cows with a sickle on that game. Ouch, violence to animals. What about Pokemon? All you do in that game is enslave wild animals and force that to kill each other. Honestly, that's as violent as it gets. But no, it's Runescape. Let me rip apart the faults of this article. You can definitely tell it was written by somebody who has no experience with the game whatsoever.

• "...hosts content such as swords, fighting, deforestation, player killing, shark hunting, magic casting, and what Hilary claims to have in it -- weapons of mass destruction." -- This line really pissed me off. This is not what the game only has! Swords!? We have whips, hammers, daggers, axes, spears, mauls, wands, etc. but they pick swords!? Oh, look. A pointy object. Fighting with a sword in a game will cause you to go out, purchase a sword, and slay random men on the street in hopes of getting a coin or two. Deforestation!? Give me a fricking break! The trees come back a few minutes after you chop them down! I don't see that happening in real life! Shark hunting!? Don't you mean fishing!? You don't hunt the sharks! You click a button and stand there and go up and down with a harpoon in your pixel hand to catch a shark hopefully every other minute. Oh, big violence there. We're hurting sharks now. But do we feel sympathy for the shark when it bites your leg off? I don't think so. Actually, I do. Your leg tastes bad. Magic casting equals no real thing in real life hence why would you compare it to reality? I think Harry Potter has a bigger influence on children there. But where the flying firetruck is there nuclear weapons in the game!? You know why Andrew didn't comment -- because he had to leave the room to laugh his damn head off so that he didn't embarass you. Runescape only has a few modern day references in the game, such as pizza, but a nuclear weapon? I think if such a thing was released that half of the players would quit because most of the players like to stick to the basic roots of an older time period. I just give up here, I'm not even going to rant on anymore.
• "the company Jagex may have ties with Al-Qaeda by hiding their nuclear weapons in-game" -- A video game company having ties with Al-Qaeda. Yea, okay. I'm sure the citizens living in the desert region of Runescape are hiding the weapons in one of the nearby pyramids. Just because George Bush is having a hissy fit that he didn't find the real weapons as there were no weapons, he and his political supervisors are all attacking a poor and innocent video game company. Sure, Jagex does have their hidden updates, but a nuclear weapon would not be one. Wait a second..wtf!?!? You can't hide real weapons in a world of pixels!? What are they going to do? Bomb the binary coding? I have a feeling that our government, I'm not going to even say it. But, go back to school.
  
• "our children will be influenced by the realistic fighting actions in the game" -- Yeah, the fighting is totally as realistic as it gets. Yet again, Hilary is working down the scale. Grand Theft Auto was the most realistic, The Sims was a bit less realistic, and then you have Runescape...yes. I have blue dragons running around my backyard. Fear me.
  
• "...to be blocked to reduce bad influences on children and to stop stalkers, child predators, online dating, and to hopefully boost American education standards." -- There's chat room, Yahoo groups, instant messengers, online dating services, porn websites, and Addictinggames.com and you're worried about Runescape having a bad influence on our children?! Look around the internet more! You'll be surprised at what you find!

I'm just sickened. I'm done here. Done! Done I say! Release the rabbits and cotton balls, I cannot take the establishment anymore! We shall reign upon those who look down upon them and they shall become crooked noses! Shoot the invaders! ...

By the way...




April Fools! Everything in this entry was fake and everything was created by me. There was no news article. I hope you didn't believe me as I tried to stick things in there that seemed totally impossible. Plus you would've heard this on almost every single Runescape forum, including the official one. Really, everything is fake. I like Hilary Clinton, but...she would honestly be the ruin of video games. But if she could stop every war, cure AIDS, and create world peace, then screw video games and go Hilary!