The Countdown

With ten more scheduled school days left on the calendar, many children in my school district may be rejoicing at the fact that the school year is almost over and the wonderful and adventurous season of summer is near. However, if Father Time gave me an option to go back in the past to the beginning of April of this year to endure more school or to live through the next ten days, I would rather jump on the time machine boggy train and head back to the past. That is how stressed out I am over the next ten days. I still have tests to take in regular classes, we have final exams galore, and on top of that, half of my English final involves the completion of five open-ended composition questions that I do not have the motivation and remembrance of to do. And on top of that, the next two days on my once-wonderful-three-day-weekend will be busy, thus reducing the valuable time that I need to do such projects and studying. And hell, half the teachers never even gave us information on our final. I think only a few gave us a brief glimpse of what we may expect. But say, for example, the first part of my Spanish final is on Wednesday and guess what, I don't even know what's going to be on it. She's throwing things left and right at us telling us that she told us how to do this or that but really she's rolling around in her own bullshit which is a touch situation for her, isn't it? I'm honestly afraid that I'm going to do horrible on much more than one final, and if anybody tells me otherwise until I'm holding my report card with the final grades printed on it, then they're throwing their own bullshit at me. I can give a list of subjects that I'm going to do bad on right now: Spanish, SAT Prep, SAT Prep Math, English, and Safety Education. The others, being World Cultures, Computer Applications, and Algebra, I'm really not fearing. And the sad part is that those are three out of eight subjects that I'm going to do, hopefully, good on. Being in the top three of your class (being ranked academically), it's hard to strive and keep up with the competition, and the only reason I'm holding on is by not overwhelming myself with extra school activities and occupations, but by next year I want to rewrite my virtues and standards and go the extra mile to breeze through my goals in the future. I may want to join FBLA or NHS or maybe try out for drama and I want to look into getting a job this summer, so I'm going to have to better my time management skills and control both my temper and nervousness. I don't want to look too far ahead though. I want to look at the next ten school days and know that I'm going to walk into my high school everyday prepared for the x number of exams I have that day and try to the best of my ability on them. I don't want to walk in with a worried expression on my face, making me look weak, and have nervous breakdowns while taking the exams.

The thing that I'm confused about, as I have realized while in the production of this blog entry, is why I'm not off working on one of those English questions now or studying. I mean, if I have the time to write a blog entry, then why not sacrifice that time for more fundamental values such as getting a good education and going somewhere in life? Well, two reasons. One, I don't have one tiny particle of motivation in me to even open Works Processor to resume my started English question, that I began last Monday. And two, this blog is going to be going far with me, and will be a large record of my life as well as the other four bright individuals who share this valuable blog with me. For me not writing down my stressed out feelings now is taking away a part of my life that I may not remember ten years down the road, heck even five years or less. I do want to write here more, so I can capture more moments and thoughts that I conjure up to add to my priceless collection of writings that are composed in the form of HTML codes on a website, but that word, known as 'motivation', is the key value that keeps me away. A drop of moisture that my wasted tongue can never absorb. But like I stated, I must think deep, explore myself, and unlock the chest that is holding back the tiger in me.

The only thing is that I wish I had a countdown to the moment when that chest was unlocked, as, at the moment, I'm wandering around in a world within my mind where I'm doubting every stinking ability that I have. Just last week I doubted if I had the smarts to achieve in college. I was thinking of just graduating high school in the top three and just moving on in life to something that I may enjoy. A hobby, writing books, etc. But then I started to think that I would go to college for programming, and like I said in my last blog entry, work for some major gaming company like Jagex. Or stick with my original goal of obtaining majors in computer science and education, and be a, well, computer science teacher. But whatever happens, the blog will be here. I just wish that Chase, Joey, and Jenifer posted more.

Have a good one.