Growing Up

Have you ever heard or saw something that made you pause and think for a moment? I don't know, maybe you were watching television and somebody said something, or asked a rhetorical question that caught your attention to where you found yourself thinking about that later on in the day. It's like having something make you think a little deeper than it made anyone else feel. The other evening I was watching something totally random, and this man asked a question along the lines of "What makes you wake up in the morning?" Like, what is it that motivates you enough to take the blankets off and get up out of your bed every single day of your life? Then he paused for maybe a split second, but it was long enough for it to catch my attention and make me think about how I'd answer such a question if someone was to ask me it. The man continued saying "maybe it's a loved one, your job, or just the fact of being curious to see what will happen that day." All of those options seem sufficient enough for me, (if we replace job with, let's say, school), but later on for some really strange reason I started to think deeper than that. I mean everybody has to have something really strong they feel that doesn't even make them think otherwise about waking up and getting on with a fresh new day, because if they didn't, then why not just lay there all day. :P

Yet again, all this deep thinking came late at night. It seems on nights when I don't have school (probably because I am so tired during the week I fall asleep right away), that I am awake late into the night. The other night I tried going to sleep around 1 in the morning, but I can lay there for quite some time, with my eyes closed, but thinking. Normally I think about current thoughts that bother me all day but they tend to make me unhappy or worried so after I force them out of my mind I try hard to find something else to think about until I drift off into sleep. I don't know how or why but I started thinking of what that man had said about waking up each day, but then it turned into something else. My mind wandered to growing up and really random memories I have from my childhood. Some were so delicate I felt my heart ache over missing them so much. I think about the past a lot more than I spend on thinking about the future. I know that probably isn't the greatest thing to do, because I always hear people saying "don't dwell on the past too much." There is a lyric in a song by Plus 44 that I really like and will share simply because it fits.

"The past is only the future with the lights on"

Wow, to me that line is really pretty, and if you think about it, very true =)I tried to go to sleep but then thought I should write a blog entry soon about all this. I like sharing my thoughts sometimes, even though maybe at tops, two people care enough to read them, but that is fine.

As I thought more about this topic for a blog entry, I started to feel a little sad. When I was younger, I remember watching television and when I'd see teenagers in particular, I'd always wonder what it will be like when I'm sixteen or seventeen. I know this probably sounds weird, but being a teenager looked really cool and I couldn't wait for those years. Now that I am sixteen, I wish I was 9 or 10 again, completely carefree and innocent. I miss playing imaginary games with my brother. I miss swinging on my swingset late into the evening. I miss playing hide-n-seek under the stars. I miss my dog Cutter. I miss collecting bugs and other creatures. I miss elementary school. I miss recess. I miss family road trips. I miss handshakes and lollipops with my best friend. I miss fashion shows with my dolls. I miss fishing for days. I miss camping in my backyard. I miss all my little childhood memories a lot sometimes. I wish I could go back when things get rocky as a teenager.

I've frequently heard that the adolescent/teenage years are some of the most difficult, and I suppose that can stand true. Not that I find these years personally difficult for me, neh, maybe they are, just more so really confusing. A lot is changing around me and it scares me sometimes. I'm not one who looks forward to growing up, because I loved being little. Gosh, being 10 years old feels like a century ago. I feel lost more often than not being a teenager. I don't like all the stuff that comes with growing up I guess, and I don't even feel ready for it. Driving, for example. Most "normal" teens cannot wait for the day to jump on getting their permit and zoom through town. I've been sixteen for over a month and only considered going for my permit twice. =P I probably wouldn't have even known I could get my permit when I turned sixteen if it wasn't for the buzz over it amongst my peers. I have no desire whatsoever to drive yet, I know I will need to when I go off to college and when that time comes I hope to be comfortable with driving. Now I am just plain scared and am going to wait until this summer before I get my permit. I'm in no rush I guess.

Another thing is the whole dating scene. Your typical teenager by sixteen/seventeen probably has gone on a date or two, nonstop chatters about boyfriends/girlfriends/heartbreaks and all that silly stuff. One of the things that kept my whole group of friendship stronger was the fact we had never had real boyfriends before or any of that. Now that is going to be changing so fast I won't even be able to blink. =P Just the other day, one of my dearest friends told me something huge that happened to her with a boy over the weekend and it blew me away. I was so excited for her, because such a thing never happened to any one of us before so I was thrilled for her!! I knew she'd be the first out of us all, haha. She described everything to me in detail, and I was speechless! It was adorable though. The point is, it made me realize that I don't think I am ready for that in any way yet. I don't even think I am slightly interested in wanting to have a "boyfriend" anymore. I can't picture myself like my friend was, and to be honest, it scared me. I am perfectly content where I am, and we'll just see what happens in the future. =]

I think this blog entry got me on a more personal level. All along I planned on just writing about growing up and my thoughts on missing certain aspects of my childhood, but before I finished this entry my friend had told me what happened to her and it was strange how perfect that can tie in with this whole blog about growing up. I mean dating, kissing, and all that stuff is a part of growing up, isn't it? I feel it is.

Now to conclude this blog entry sweetly, I want to return to the question I opened with, "What makes you wake up in the morning?" Well, to be completely honest. the fact of being given another chance to make some small difference around me, the chance to smile and brighten a friend's day, or the chance to go outside and take advantage of every day I have alive is more than enough for me to love waking up and starting my day. Each day I grow up and learn a little more. =)

Well, I hope if you took the time to read into some of my personal thoughts, it made you think, even just a little bit. I really enjoyed writing this particular entry, and hope it makes someone enjoy reading it. (: Have a wonderful day<3