What's the Use?

There I was, sitting in my father's truck in Waymart, Wayne County, Pennsylvania listening to my iPod as my father was in Ray's Supermarket shopping for some needed groceries. I was having one of those deep down thought sessions with myself about things that I'm always motivated to do once I'm out and about, but when I go home or I'm plopped in front of a computer, I have no want to do them. Well, my mind sort of wandered off as I was sitting there watching the windmills up on the mountain in front of me. Their blades gracefully swung around in circles at a moderate speed -- so massive yet so quiet. I was thinking how the power of the wind could move these blades which are actually constructed out of a light-weight material, and how due to the wind we're getting needed power. Then I recalled that the power generated was used miles away in the New York City area so then I sort of got mad at the landmarks that stood in front of me. One thought led to another, until I tried to sort out what I did this weekend. I stayed at my sister's apartment the whole weekend while my nephew stayed over my house all weekend. At my sister's I mainly sat in front of my laptop playing Runescape for hours. Yesterday I felt like crap (due to the smell of smoke that's lingering in my sister's apartment) and I had a small fever for most of the day, but I pushed myself to sit in front of my laptop, sitting on her living room couch, to get 90 woodcutting before my Runescape day ended. Thankfully today upon waking up I felt better. But that's mostly what I did all weekend. Besides playing Madden a bit with my brother-in-law, riding around with my sister, and playing with the cats, I just sat and played Runescape. I realized how much of my life was centered around that damn addictive MMORPG and how much of my time has been wasted striving for goals constructed of pixels. Am I going to change though? I highly doubt it.

The final thought I was debating over with myself mentally in that truck in Waymart before my father came out of the store was: What's the use of doing half the things I do? What's the use of my existence? Since May 2005 I have been playing Runescape, and until Jagex decides that it's time to shut the servers off, I'll probably resume playing the game. I always have this fear that Jagex will shut the game down. That my life and everybody else's that was consumed by this game will be lost forever, only converted to money for Jagex's pockets. That and the power and popularity that you had in this world of fantasy will be washed down the drain, and you'll wake up and realize that you're just a weakling. We're all weaklings. The human race is weak. The only reason why the human race is alive up to today is due to their brains. The brain is a strong tool, and the only reason why we have much of the things that we enjoy today is due to the brain. Anyway, if Jagex shut Runescape down, then all those hours of working for 'gp' and 'exp' for skill levels would be wasted. They aren't totally wasted. I have made strong friendships on Runescape (Jean/Julus Cesr, Botanreaper2, and Aeron/Dante just to name a few), made better real life friendships through Runescape with Craig, Caitlin, and Chase (the three C's), and it has taught me many real world values, such as merchanting (which I never do but I understand the concept of it) and many motivations for writing and game creating. However, someday this might not all exist. Scary but true, the way our society is headed and the rest of the world, we might all perish soon, not just a little computer game. Makes me wonder why we should keep on trying? If anything is to happen dramatically to the world and to mankind, then there's no use for history, for example. Everybody who was ever famous will no longer be famous after the human race is gone. There will be nothing left behind. Computers, blogs, television, radio, friends, cars, houses, etc. Makes me wonder what's the use for typing here? What's the use for making money? My head is in a state where nothing makes sense to me (probably the product of my intense headache last night), but I'm sure something will hopefully make some sense to somebody.

But why should be just give up on what we have and sit out and wait for the world to come to an end? The world may not end until the sun dies, who knows? Actually, before then the sun is supposed to swell into a giant dwarf (if I'm not mistaken) and swallow the Earth. The future is not predictable. If it was, life wouldn't be fun. What's the reason to live if you read in a short paragraph in the conclusion sentence that you're going to die at the age of 48? Are you going to have fun in your life knowing what exact day you're going to die on, and how you're going to die? For some it would maybe comfort them because they don't like surprises, but just imagine how depressed you would feel. Same goes to the outcome of mankind. I might sit here and say, "Okay, I'm just going to go on with my life but whatever I leave behind after I die, whether it be good or bad, might not exist to anybody years and years from now." And honestly, unless you're famous to a wide audience, you're going to be forgotten years and years from now anyway. Look at some old gravestones, maybe from back years after the American Civil War era. Can you clearly make out carved into that tomb who is buried there? That'll be you someday. Your empty grave will be without a title. The only thing we can hope for is the afterlife, and by God I hope I can cleanse my soul soon enough to guarantee a seat in heaven. Even though people say that you'll leave a mark on your family after you're gone, your family members will be in your dead, rotting shoes someday, and that mark will go to the grave with them. The next generation of your family may not even know who you were, unless you left a major mark on them that would have to have also contributed greatly to many other families or to most of society. A book, movie, video game, even maybe a blog, just like this, can be passed down from one century to another. Just like how I had fears that Runescape will be shut down, how do I know for certain that this blog will be around for much longer? Maybe Blogger or even Google may someday shut down. Maybe they'll start charging fees? Thankfully the hungry greed of the world hasn't taken control of that company yet.

What's the use of even writing this blog entry then? Why don't I just delete it all and move on to something else. Oh, of course, the Superbowl is on in about an hour (I hope the Bears win, by the way) but when mankind is extinct, who will care that Manning was the Colts' quarterback for Superbowl 41? Nobody, because there will be nobody. That's why I hope we start exploring planets soon and hopefully start living on them. Space exploration is the next step that humans must take to survive. I just hope that I'll have internet access on Mars.

I'm done with this blog. My thoughts are too "out there" and I need time for my brain to cool down after throwing my thoughts out there to the world. But I want to close with one thing. The one reason I write this blog is to entertain. Actually there's two reasons. To entertain and to have a journal of sorts for myself and others that are close to me. I do hope to leave a mark on people someday through my writing on here, and also when I publish books in the future. I hope that this entry made some sense, and that people can interpret it and wake up and realize what I'm trying to address to them. That our lives may someday mean nothing. There is a use to living, but what's the use after the soul and the body part ways? What's the use if mankind is to ever end? I watch so many shows in both school and for my own viewing pleasure about things like the top ten ways that mankind is going to go extinct and all about the ant-Christ and how the world is going to end soon -- how wonder I'm so depressed about these topics. I always said that I dislike mankind, but I think that secretly I'm trying to keep an eye out for them. And I am. I am concerned for people, yet just by my personality, as of lately, I haven't been too 'happy' as I'm just in a 24/7 grumpy mood. It's one of those changes that people go through in their life. A grand mental change. And hopefully through taking time to think "out loud" on this very blog, I can sort this change out with myself, and with anybody interested enough to read this, and change in a positive way. Just maybe...

Here you go:

Picture of the Day

Da Bears! 42% out of 100% done with my goal of 99 woodcutting.

Have a good one!