The Twilight

Thursday night I stayed over Craig's house (after we made that fifty minute video that was posted in the previous blog entry). At his house, we played Runescape on our laptops, tried to get the internet on his Wii to work, and then we went around the internet trying to find things to do, such as making a skin for Firefox and playing games. The next morning Craig was dying to play The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii. He was a lot farther than me in the game, and he had mixed thoughts to whether or not play it in front of me as it would ruin a lot of the surprises that the game offered throughout the storyline. I told him that I didn't mind, and that I would probably be focusing more on Runescape than looking up at the television screen anyway. I was wrong, very wrong. As I had found out, Craig was already at the very last boss battles, and my eyes were glued to the TV as I watched the very last enemies fall under his will, defeated. I continued to watch as one of the biggest surprises of the game happened at the very end, and then I even watched the credits. Then I continued to watch as Craig ventured throughout places I haven't gone to yet, and yet I could not pull away from watching all these spoilers even though they could very well ruin the game for me. After it was all said and done and the game was turned off, I had very mixed emotions. I wasn't sure if I was happy that I watched what I did, or if I was sad. And it's not Craig's fault in any way. I just had to watch, as for some reason I like to rather watch others play video games than actually playing the game myself. Sometimes I would have the Runescape login screen on my laptop, all ready for me to log in and start playing, but instead I would glance over for five minutes and watch Craig play on his account for a while, even if he's doing something over and over again like mining essence, crafting runes, etc. I'm just addicted to watching video games. Period. I used to love TechTV and then later on G4 because they would either be on computers or would show gameplay of some games, and I would just sit and watch the action mindlessly with my mouth wide open and a little bit of drool coming out from lack of swallowing. But then G4 started showing shows that had nothing to do with video games, and then my cable provider dumped the channel so...

Like I was saying -- I have very mixed feeling about LoZ:TP now. The ending of the game was like, "Wow, what just happened!?" and I figured that I should as well watch because I would probably never beat the game anyway. I was playing it this morning due to this sudden feeling I have about the game (the same feeling I used to have about Pokemon, Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Teen Titans back in the day -- like it's this weird indescribable feeling that's shivering throughout my body and it's like an itch that won't go away, and I feel suddenly motivated and yet confused) and I was witnessing these places that I had saw before just by watching Craig play after he beat the game. It's not like the first two temples where I was playing and was awed by the environment, but instead while I was going around killing the bugs for the third light spirit in the twilight realm, I would roam somewhere and think, "Yep, I know what this place is now. Nothing new here." But then I was playing and got to this part where I had to escort a carriage across two fields and I couldn't do it after "fifty" times trying and after cussing my head off and letting my blood pressure rise, I finally ended the game there. I do want to play it, and the motivation I have left to play it is to see all the things that happen from the point I'm at to the end where I saw Craig start out at. However, I'm stuck at this part that's bothering me, and then my family bothers me because my Wii's located in the center of the house in the living room. Even writing this now, I don't know what to think anymore. My head is all messed up over a game, yet I think there's more to it than that. Maybe due to the fact that I wasted this nice little break I had inside my house on the computer (besides when I went over Craig's) and that I only have Sunday and Monday left already before school comes back to haunt me. Plus I still have biology homework to do and the essay part of our Don Quixote test to study for. I don't know -- I'm losing it. Really, I am. I actually feel like crying now because I don't know what to do. I might as well do my biology homework now and review for my test. Maybe that would make me happy. Don't mind my rambling, it makes me feel better confusing you about my confusion.

I don't even think that this confusion started over The Legend of Zelda, but actually over Runescape. I'm starting to get these comments thrown at me that my levels are low compared to my combat level, and so and so. However, I look at my skill levels and I'm happy with them. Although I'm starting to look at some people and from what these people say about me, I'm starting to be influenced by them. Actually, they don't even talk about me, but sometimes I take it as if I'm in the shoes of the person that's getting that comment directed to. I mostly accomplish goals in Runescape for my own pleasure and to just know that if I put my mind to something that I could achieve in it (a lesson that Runescape can teach somebody if they pay attention to the moral of the game), but lately I'm starting to think that I'm getting my goals just to be up to par with others or to satisfy others. I don't want to think that way and instead I want to go back to my base roots and have my older philosophy of liking what I achieve and that other's opinions about me do not matter to me. But like I said, my outlook on Runescape is starting to change as I'm on the road to obtaining 99 woodcutting, and with this are things that I'm being bothered by. I don't know what these 'things' are off the top of my head, but they'll haunt me. They'll haunt me.

I'm honestly starting to sound like some maniac, so I better stop myself here. It's funny how some pixels on a computer or television screen can pull off such a huge affect on individuals. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I do, however, still hold this huge piece of inspiration and motivation for some unknown reason, and this hidden force is probably pushing me to write this very blog entry. Most entries I force upon myself and I say, "I didn't post in a while so I think I should today" and then I throw something random and not too from the heart out into the open, but today is a different story. I didn't force myself, but instead I naturally began to write this entry, mixing my many feelings, thoughts, and emotions into it. It's just one of those times where writing helps sort things out mentally, but instead this is just adding more things to the mix, raising up more questions than answers once I see my own thoughts and there they are, visible to me on this computer screen.

I'm done here. With this state of confusion that I'm in, these states can last for a month to half a year, so you may hear from me a lot more about this nothingness.

Picture of the Day

Have a good one.