Blogger's Interview With Me

The following is a fictional interview with Bloger that never happened. The questions asked are just the random questions found in the profile of most bloggers. Blogger is indeed not crazy and their questions are very logical. This is not a mock to Blogger in any way. I just was bored and saw this to be a good idea. If it wasn't for Blogger, I wouldn't have this page or this whole post at all, and I probably would have never come back to blogging. I love you Blogger. Enjoy this interview that I made up though:

Random Question #1
When you open your eyes underwater, do you ever worry that you'll drown?

Foote: What the hell!? When I open my eyes underwater, will I think I’ll ever drown!?

Blogger: Yes, that is what we asked you.

Foote: First of all, your eyes has nothing to do with your lungs. If I opened my mouth underwater and took in a deep breathe, then I would worry about drowning. Not my eyes. Second of all, if you’re worried about drowning in the first place, get out of the water. Do not go near water at all or look at it, for you will surely drown. I just don’t see the logic behind this question…

Blogger: This is a yes or no question, Foote.

Foote: Umm…no then.

Random Question #2:
What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?

Foote: I dreamt about the sugar plum fairy and Cinderella. No! Of course not! Here’s another one of those questions like the above one. First of all, there’s always spiders crawling into your mouth. You just can’t see them. When you’re at Wal-Mart looking for shoes that’ll fit your huge, hairy feet, you’ll have a tiny orange spider crawling through your forest of facial hair looking for a passageway into your huge, gaping mouth. So shut up. Keep your mouth closed at all times and while you’re at it, you’re nostrils pinched close. They like going in there too.

Blogger: You’re getting off the track of the question. You’r….

Foote: There is no track to the question! While you’re sleeping, spiders crawl into your mouth resulting in you eating them. Therefore while you’re sleeping and feasting on your midnight snack of spiders, you’re dreaming. Therefore every night that you sleep and dream, you’re eating spiders. And I don’t feel like listing every single dream I ever had in my life.

Blogger: Can you list one?

Foote: I don’t remember my dreams.

Blogger: Do you like the taste of spiders?

Foote: I’m sleeping so I don’t know how they taste…just move on.


Random Question #3:
Never mind the turtle. Don't you think you're sure to win?

Foote: Don’t you mean never mind the spider?

Blogger: This is a new question.

Foote: Oh… Wait…. What?

Blogger: Please just answer. We don’t have all day.

Foote: How can I answer when this question makes no sense. You can think of this question in two ways. You can think of that one story where the tortoise beats the hare in the race or if you’re at the carnival and your girlfriend wants a stuffed turtle from the ring throwing game but you want that awesome goldfish instead…

Blogger: Well, how do you interpret it?

Foote: I believe the logical answer is the “Tortoise and the Hare” way of it in which the answer would be, no, I don’t think I’ll win because the slow and fat people always beat the skinny and fast one. Strength is the value behind that. But I’d rather interpret the question about the whole fair scheme of things. I would indeed win both, the turtle and the goldfish.

Blogger: But we said never mind the turtle.

Foote: I did. I won the goldfish but my girlfriend complained so much and threatened of a break-up that I ran back and won the turtle.

Random Question #4:
Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?

Foote: Now you’re talking. A question that is logical and would get an honest, straight up answer. Well, my statue would be made of recycled plastic bags and I would be honored for being the worst blogger of all time. Scratch that. I was only kidding. Well, I am the worst blogger. Anyway, my statue would be made of either zinc or copper with some gold and silver mixed in and I’d be honored for being the greatest author of the 21st century.

Random Question #5:
Please come up with a more appropriate name for the ringtoe:

Foote: Ringtone?

Blogger: Ringtoe. You know, a ring that you put on your toe.

Foote: Oh. I misheard you. Another name for it? I’m horrible at the ability of making up names for stuff. Normally whatever it’s called I call it. But I shall call it…can I phone a friend on this?

Blogger: Sure…I guess…

Foote: *gets on the phone*

*gets answering machine*

Foote: Hey Drake, I have a question because Blogger is interviewing me and all and they let me phone a friend. But anyway, what would a more appropriate name for a ringtoe be? Please call be back as soon as possible.

Blogger: Wasn’t home?

Foote: No…anyway, let me think…

Blogger: Would you like to skip this question?

Foote: I never let a question that comes my way go without an answer. I would call a ringtoe a toe ring.

Blogger: Nice and simple…

Random Question #6:
Compose the lyrics to a new national anthem that features an animal sound at least once:

Foote: This is a very creative concept. Does it have to be a United States national anthem?

Blogger: It doesn’t have to be but it could be.

Foote: Fine then…

Oh Runescape!
How the clashing of the swords and the moans of the dead echo throughout your beautiful land!
Where the zombies walk yet again and the monkeys yell “Boo yah!”
Oh, I suck at writing national anthems! Moo!

Blogger: That’s it?

Foote: Give me a brake! It took three seconds to come up with.

*phone rings*

Foote: Hello?

DrakeGTA: I’m back. Ringtoe? Don’t you mean ring tone?

Foote: That’s exactly what I said.

DrakeGTA: I need to look that up. Sorry. Do you mean the second or third toe?

Foote: I don’t know. It’s Blogger’s question. Their questions are crazy.

Blogger: They are not!

DrakeGTA: I looked it up on wiki page, no hits there. Let me try Google. Okay, the only hits I get on Google are for ringtones misspelled. Hm…toes. Maybe “this little piggy”…

Foote: Thanks Drake. Sorry for bothering you.

DrakeGTA: Don’t worry, you didn’t. It’s not like I have a Asian chick right here next to me wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Damn it! Where are you going honey!? Get back here! I’ll….BYE!

*hangs up*

Foote: Yes…

Blogger: And good-bye to you, Foote. We wasted enough time on you.

Foote: Yea, whatever, bye…